Hey there!
We're so glad you could make it to our website! So now that you're here, an introduction seems to be in order...
Well, my name is Tanner - that's me - the cute one. No, the OTHER cute one...I swear sometimes you Humans can be so slow...Anyways, that other picture you looked at is Doug. He's my brother.
And those two humans way down there - those are our parents. They're OK, as far as parents go. That picture's a little old...Daddy's bald now, meaning he has even less fur than that now, but otherwise that's them.
Doug and I decided that after about three years it was time we introduced ourselves to the world. We figured it would give us something to do during the day when both our parents are gone. Especially since they don't seem to like it when we use that free time to chew stuff...
So how did we all end up together? I'm so glad you asked!
Mommy and Daddy had just gotten married and had moved out of the city when Mommy decided she really wanted a Best Friend cause Daddy wasn't entertaining enough (between you and me - I don't blame her! Daddy is good company and all, but he's not Best Friend Certified - you have to have a Tail to be certified!).
Anyways, Daddy didn't really want to get a Best Friend because he was still heartbroken over his previous Best Friends who'd gone on the Great Hunt a long time ago...he's a very sentimental guy...so Mommy had to search and search all by herself for her new Best Friend and she found Douglas!
Doug was staying in this really nice doggie hotel in a place called West Virginia.* I've never been there myself, but he's told me there's lots of hills and trees. That's where he's from, you see. He says he's a Hound and that Hounds should be in places that have lots of Green (at least that's what you Humans call that slightly darker shade of gray that you find outside alot).
*Doug here - just correcting my brother where necessary...he's not the brightest Hound - I think that's the Pitty in him. Regardless, West Virginia was not nice. It was outdoors, yes, but I was in a big cage with a bunch of Beagles that never seemed to be able to get the idea that you poop OUTSIDE the cage...savages...but there was a really nice lady there that took good care of me. Her name was Rosy. She fed me these delicious pieces of mystery meat that I used to love...until I heard them called Hot Dogs...Hot Dogs, really? I may be many things (cute, beautiful, hot shit, smart, clever, intelligent, wise, etc...), but I am NOT a cannibal. OK, that's enough correction - I'll let Tanner continue his story now.
So Mommy found Doug's picture on a website called Happy Trails, and even Daddy couldn't say no anymore! They both thought he looked so smart and regal, he stole their hearts at their first look, and they drove out to West Virginia and took him home that weekend! Of course, that's when they realized that he wasn't looking regal in his photo - he was scared!*
*This necessitates another correction, of course. I was NOT scared. I was merely appropriately cautious. After all, this Human kept pointing a camera in my face and saying "look doggie, good doggie!"...so demeaning. OK, you may continue Tanner...
Thanks, Doug...anyways, so they brought Doug home to a place called Rock-ville. I don't know why they call it Rock-ville. There aren't very many rocks...just lots of concrete, people, and cars everywhere. Which worried Doug because he'd spent his whole life Outside. Apparently, the first time they brought him inside, he peed as they pushed him through the door! And then, when they took him on his first walk, he had to go up and down stairs for the first time, and then this big truck drove by and he literally pooped himself on the spot!*
*All I have to say is...you try going from the quiet, restful West Virginia mountains to the hustle-and-bustle of Rockville. And with so many Humans around! You all live in this big caves, which were alarming the first time I saw them - after all there's no way to expect what's in there! Of course, now, I've learned to appreciate certain luxuries of these caves...like Air Conditioning and soft chairs to sit on.
Right, Doug, but don't forget what happened when you got back inside - you peed on Daddy's bar! For those of you who don't know what that is, Daddy built a bar with his Daddy, so it's really important to him. Needless to say Daddy wasn't very happy.*
*No. He wasn't very happy at all.
Anyways, Mommy and Daddy were having a hard time helping Doug adjust to life in Rock-ville. Of course they kept having to leave the house for a really long time every day. They still do this regularly, and we still don't understand why. If they're going hunting, they must be really bad hunters 'cause they never come home with food. We think it's something of a small miracle when they manage to find their way home...especially Mommy since she seems to be gone longer. We have to assume she just has a harder time finding her way home. After all, they both have really small noses to smell their way home, and Mommy's is smaller, so I guess that makes sense.
OK, back to the story...so they were having a hard time helping Doug adjust, but they noticed he always seemed happier when they went to the Dog-Park (which they called the DP) and got to play with other doggies, so Mommy pushed really hard to get another Best Friend - this time for Doug. Daddy really didn't want to because they were already having a hard enough time with Doug, and their cave apparently had a weight-limit that they weren't supposed to go over. But Mommy eventually found a picture of me at Homeward Trails, and persuaded Daddy to take me home on a 3 month trial period since I had a death sentence in 1 week! In fact, they put their application in for me on the day I was condemned to be out down! So Mommy and Daddy saved my life! Yay Mommy and Daddy!
So finally they met me at the pick-up site, and it was at this really dirty Vet's office...the placed smelled really bad, there was mold growing up the walls, and there were flies everywhere. Sadly though, they got there too late to save my testicles. The Vet must have had nothing better to do that day because he cut them off while I was waiting for my new parents! So naturally I was scared when I was finally brought out front - after all I'd been condemned to death, saved, then had my balls cut off in this really dirty place, and now was being shoved through a door into who-knew-what!
I'll admit, I may have lost control of my bladder in that moment of fear, but I still managed to win over my new parent's hearts by licking Mommy's face while I was leaking!
Anyways, when Mommy and Daddy took me home, Doug didn't like me at first - he wouldn't let me cross the line into his half of the apartment, but eventually I managed to worm my way into his heart too and now we're best friends!* And of course Daddy fell in love with me, so when Mommy offered to send me back because perhaps I had chewed through a few "prized" possessions like a "cell phone", a remote control, and a coffee table. However, I had totally become Daddy's little buddy by this point and he couldn't part with me.... EVER! muhahah..
*Yes Tanner, that's exactly what you did. You wormed your way into all our hearts like the blood-sucking, vampiric, parasite you are. A warm and cuddly one, of course, but one non-the-less.
So that's how we all ended up here together as one happy family! It was wonderful meeting you - we hope you enjoyed our Tail and we look forward to seeing you again really soon! Bye!
